First off if you don't want to deal with anything unpleasant or real then stop reading now and secondly this doesn't replace my prior post. Damian still remains the love of my life and he has the potential to be a wonderful husband. Unfortunately, right now Bipolar disorder also rears it's ugly head. I just need to get this stuff off my chest because unless you have had to deal with it it's something that you can't understand. Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder where you can cycle between feelings of euphoria or manic and depressed or you can just experience one or the other. You can experience a long time between episodes and you can cycle rather quickly. It is treatable with medication but it will always exist and it unfortunately can break up marriages especially if it is not properly treated. Damian has had bipolar for a long time and it sounds quite severe he goes through both mania and deep depression during his cycles and he cycles quite rapidly for awhile a long while several months and then he is good again for several months. We have known for a couple of years now and I have been a strong advocate to get him help. He needs it I am worried about losing my husband and our marriage. His family is supportive now that mom has learned that severe bipolar disorder does run in her family and she doesn't want to lose her son. Damian however has resisted and I don't know what to do about that. I don't like the idea of making him do anything against his will but at the same time I have to weigh that against what is good for him. These cycles beat him up emotionally and physically he gets exhausted. I am considering that if he can't get into a medical doctor next month to help him really start getting it under control I may have to hospitalize him until he can get things under control. When his mind is clear he is loving, considerate and gentle but when his mind is racing he is irritable, gets frustrated easily, gets angry and pushes everyone away from him. He has also had feelings that scare me they are so dark in nature. I keep trying to hang on to our marriage and to him until he can start holding on too. I love him and that should show it if I didn't love him I would have let it go long ago. I just keep praying that he will understand that this is a bigger battle than he can fight himself and that he needs help. I keep praying that I don't have to hospitalize him especially against his will but it is getting to that point quickly. I also keep praying that our marriage can survive and we can heal from this and the wounds from words said but not meant. Most of all I need some love and support keep us both in all your prayers.
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3 comments:
I will definitely keep you in my prayers Amanda. Bi-polar is definitely a great challenge to deal with, you are amazing the way you stay committed to trying to help. Not a lot of people can do that. Hugs.
Hang in there, cuz! We love you!
Knowing there is a problem is the first step. You have taken it, just keep on going and doing what you can and I'm pretty sure you'll salvage not only your marriage but the man you know your husband is on the inside that is trying to get out.
Don't let others try to influence you or take your eyes off the prize. Stand your ground and find friends who will support you and you'll both make it through just fine. Maybe a little bumped up but that's part of life. Life has a funny way of making you stronger without you realizing it.
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