Breaking through a personal weight plateau

I did it I can't believe it!! I had struggled personally to get past my 280s I had even regained weight almost completely undoing what I had tried so hard to do. I don't know how I busted through it but I did. I had noticed that I was feeling a little lighter and my clothes were hanging on me so I decided to weigh myself sure enough I'm down. Not only did I bust through my plateau I almost am down to my next goal of being in my 260s I am so pleased right now. I think a big part of it is that I am not stress eating any longer. A lot of drama has been going on in my husbands family and we decided that we would no longer be a part of it. That has been HUGE because a lot of stress has now been taken off of me and our marriage in general. We still have stress in our lives and a lot going on but its manageable stress because I've decided to just not have any drama. That's been really helping my anxious feelings too although I still am excited to be able to get some professional help for that soon. But anyway getting back to my accomplishment I'm down 23 lbs and that feels amazing. That is the most weight I think I've lost in my life without the help of any outside eating program like Weight Watchers etc. That feels amazing because I'm learning that I can have self control and that I can do this. I've also learned that I can enjoy time out with a friend and still not sabotage my healthy eating. I'm happy about that too because lets face it, its pretty dull and boring if you can't enjoy time with friends and yummy food once in awhile. 

Shedding Grateful Tears

I once again am really really grateful for a General Conference talk. In recent years I had struggled with severe depression but when that had subsided anxiety and panic disorders had taken their place. I wondered what was wrong with me why I couldn't just "chill" like so many well meaning people tried to encourage me to do. I wanted to but everything made me anxious and on edge. I lost job after job and I was losing this battle. Well, the first thing that helped was when I got some professional counseling. It was such a relief to know that my symptoms had a name, that they were real and I wasn't just being a "drama queen". I was helped as much as possible but the panic attacks were brutal and they would require treatment that just counseling could not provide. My chest would tighten, my heart would pound uncontrollably and I would sometimes hyperventilate. I wish I could say something would trigger them but they would happen without warning sometimes several times a day. My life revolved around just trying to survive. It was so frustrating. I've been taking a herbal supplement that has helped to a great extent but it still only helps the symptoms. They are still there, my anxiety is still there lurking in the shadows. I'm hoping that come the first part of the year when my new medical coverage takes effect that I can finally find some real relief. Anyway, this talk by Elder Holland brought tears to my eyes. Bless this dear man for acknowledging the severity and reality of mental distress. I've been so hurt and discouraged when some well meaning people in the church counseled me to just have more faith and relax. If it were only so simple. I appreciate Elder Holland for his blessed, inspired counsel to not only those who suffer and their loved ones but to others as well. The only way we can truly begin to help is to try and understand. Mental disorders of all kinds are very real and they can be debilitating to those who have them. Sometimes it takes all the strength I have in a day to just function. I feel so blessed to know the Lord is aware of my daily struggles and that he is aware of me and loves me. I feel so much comfort to know that he will continue to help me in my fight to try and battle my anxious, obsessive thoughts. For those who haven't read this wonderful, inspired talk I encourage you to do so. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

My struggles have not been in vain

As I've been reading through past conference talks to create my own personal doctrinal quote book based on various gospel topics I have felt overwhelmed by the Spirit. I missed General Conference but am looking forward to reading and listening to the talks online. I did get to read a talk President Monson gave to the Relief Society and my heart was overwhelmed with love and joy. I felt that he had been talking to me. He spoke about life's challenges and how the Lord is aware of us even during those dark times, we do not suffer in vain the Lord loves us and uses our struggles for our benefit. This has such a personal connection to me because for many many years after my dad's death I was locked into a depression so deep that I felt as if I was in a black hole. There was no escape I thought and there are no words to describe the agony, hopelessness, and misery that were my daily life. I went through the motions but that was all, I was numb to all feeling. I didn't think that anyone or anything could reach me and eventually I let the darkness overcome me and in time I actually heard whispering in my ear that it would be better if I were dead. I was no longer able to fight so I almost went along with that idea. This talk reminded me of that time not because of that pain but because of His love. He knows me He loves me personally, I am His child. He knew I had lost hope, He knew I could no longer fight but He also knew I had work to do, I still had a purpose. He sent Young Women leaders who in their infinite wisdom nurtured and included me in everything from activities to even being a part of the class leadership. Under their care I began to blossom and understand my infinite worth. I still struggled daily however, so their efforts would not be enough reinforcements would be needed. That came in the form of good LDS friends from a neighboring ward who took me under their wing strengthening and fortifying me on a daily basis. I should have gotten mental help but at that time I did not trust strangers I was like a wounded animal and fought anyone who I did not know. The Lord knew this too so my friends were strengthened by Him and taught how to reach me. Many times their acts of love, service, and encouragement were just the healing balm I needed. When I lost my will to fight and almost yielded they read inspired scripture to remind me to stay the course and keep fighting. When I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world they embraced me making me feel like I was a part of them. Given time and patience I was able to get strong again and I was able to keep fighting. I am so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who knew me and loved me and sent angels on Earth to help me in my time of distress. This distress was not wasted, because of it I learned how to succor and lift another. I had experienced intense pain and misery and because of that I could feel and understand when someone else was going through a painful experience. I see now many years later how the Lord used this to educate and help me. He was showing me that nothing we ever go through is out of reach of the healing balm of our Savior. Everything is for our good no matter how gut wrenching or painful. I was being schooled in how to reach out and love another as our Savior loved. I still have work to do but understanding now why I went through this struggle has helped me embrace it and has helped me move past it. I am so grateful to a loving Father who knows me and loves me enough to send me reinforcements in my time of need. I am so grateful to the dear friends he sent to help strengthen me, love me and help me. I am so grateful for the Young Women's program and the values and lessons I was taught there. It is a wonderful inspired program.