Thanks for the lift

I don't know why but it's been a rough couple of weeks for me emotionally I just have felt drained and it's been really hard to keep my goals of being upbeat and positive. However, I'm doing much much better and I appreciate all those in my life who helped me to feel better by sharing your love, compassion and healing energy. I feel like I'm rearing to go again and that's good because I'm going to need it I discovered that when I'm more upbeat my shifts at work go better and I'm way more productive. I really appreciate the innocence of my nieces Lexus and Kaylee they really did help me to smile again they are so adorable and lovable. They know how to bring back the sunshine when I just see clouds so I'm glad for that. I'm glad to know who my friends are and I'm glad to know who I can count on and trust and who I can't. Hard lessons learned that sometimes you can't trust the people that you think you should be able to. Damian's been wonderful as well reminding me to have faith and trust in Heavenly Father as he's asking us to take another faith walk or in this case leap of faith as it's quite a jump but we're going to do it we know that we won't fall that it will be okay. Anyway I appreciate the love that has been surrounding me so I can get to feeling good again and I can now have the energy to continue my life's journey and to pay it forward again too.

Just a small sigh....

I've been doing really good lately since I have fully grieved and experienced all the pent up emotions from the incident that tore our family apart over 20 years ago however scars still remain and I think they will forever. I am no longer angry or even filled with tremendous sorrow or grief but sometimes I still have moments where I miss dad or wish he was still with us. I think I'm having this moment now because it's Gaige's birthday soon he'll be 3 I think of him every time one of us gets a little bit older especially his grandchildren oh how he would have enjoyed them. I think of him as we are getting ready to adopt I know he would be so happy and proud just as much as if I had been able to give birth to them. I know he's with us I feel him at each of our family events he doesn't miss any but it's somehow not the same. It's the best we can get though for now and like I said most of the time I'm fine and live my life and I am trying to live it to the fullest like he would want for me but sometimes I have a moment when I think of him and wish he could still be with us.

New Years Resolutions

I am trying to be more physically fit this year I started off with a mile or so walk this morning and although it was cold it felt good. I want to try and do that as much as I can it was a good way to get some exercise and clear my head and it did feel good. I also have the opportunity to get a membership at a local gym for Damian and I for only 20 dollars a month it's a promotion this gym is doing for Evergreen Tree Care employees. I also am going to continue on a path of overall wellness this year and continue on the path I started on in 2011. This year is going to be about mental and physical well being. I'm more determined I think this year because I have learned my worth as a person I have learned that I am worth being healthy and happy and well. This is going to be a good year I have a feeling it will be full of wonderful surprises.