Why so bubbly??

I'm not ashamed to express myself or my feelings. So I will give a very honest answer to a question I am asked often. I was asked a very honest question again recently why so bubbly? Why so uplifting and why so cheerful? Well....its really quite simple once you have walked the line to the darker side and almost gave into it like I did you can not tempt that again. Its easier once you have almost given up on life and have given into the darkness to revisit that place. I have to try and stay optimistic because if I don't I go to that dark place eventually and that place terrifies me it is not a pleasant place to go. I accidently went there a few weeks back because I was so emotionally drained and depleted. It was not a pleasant experience. Fortunately for me I have a loving Father in Heaven who saved me from myself and I was not there long. He inspired my husband to immediately comfort me in such a way that I knew did not come from just him. He also sent me a few others who were guided to know just what to do to help. After that experience I know for a certainty that I can not do anything to put myself in that position again. Next time I may not be so fortunate. So if I come across as annoying in my optimism I'm sorry but for me it literally is what saves me from myself. If I let myself dwell on negative things I go quickly back to a dark place. A place where everything is not logical or rational, everything is taken out of context and eventually dark forces try and convince me to end my life's mission before its natural conclusion. I can not have that there is so much I still have left to do so bubbly it is. 

From the very bottom of my heart

Words can not express the gratitude that has been filling my heart these last few months. I've struggled with my activity in the church. Not because I don't have a testimony but because I'm human and its so easy to let human emotions get in the way. I've let discouragement, resentment and hurt feelings get in the way. I've let myself feel like I don't have anything in common with others in the church because I don't have children in my life. Sometimes I still feel this way but I've now realized how all that is coming from the adversary who does not want me to be active. He does not want me to come and grow and be spiritually fed. Damian and I are preparing to leave this ward and its a mixed feeling in my heart. I love this ward even when we weren't the most active they didn't quit on us, they didn't give up on us. We've had inspired leadership who has shown us unconditional love, encouragement and support. We have been really blessed by the love of the sister missionaries in our ward. Their hearts are so full of genuine love and compassion for us and our eternal welfare. They came to see us this afternoon and as we visited about things and life in general I felt compelled to tell them how my inactivity happened. It didn't happen overnight I hadn't intended for it to occur but it did and I've felt discouraged ever since. I've felt like it was too late, like I was too far gone. Those sweet sister missionaries assured me that its never too late, we are never out of the reach of our Savior as long as we continue to try to reach out to him. They encouraged me to break up everything into smaller steps including coming back into activity. I immediately began to feel better. I have been reading my scriptures and praying more often. The next step that I am ready to add is going to church each week. I still need to add paying a tithing and other things to my life but that will come. For now I need to remember that I have to take things one step at a time I will get there. I do want you all to know that I do believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and know that this is His work and His church. He sends those willing to listen to help him and help succor those in need of succor. I have responded as I have because I've felt the love of those trying to help us and have felt the love of my Savior. The sister missionaries are getting ready to move on and I will miss them and their energy but I will be forever grateful for them. I'm grateful to them for listening to the spirit and for not quitting on us. I'm grateful to them for their encouraging words of support and kindness. It can be very overwhelming to come back to church when you don't know where to begin. I've learned from them to just start going and let the rest fall into place line upon line precept upon precept.