Slower than I thought

I'm still writing my novel I naively thought that I would be half way done by now the first 16 pages have come so easily but now for the moment at least I am stuck on page 18. I think that's because I'm trying to rush it for one and two I haven't taken the time lately to read back and figure out where the story wants to go. That sounds crazy right? How can a story talk to you? It can though I have a good friend of mine who writes stories all the time really good amazing stories that make you feel like you could be right there and she tells me that's how come her stories are so good she lets the story tell itself. I guess I just need to take some time off the internet once in awhile turn the tv off and just get engrossed in what my story wants me to write. I'm not frustrated with it yet so far I am loving what I am writing I just need to be patient but like the rest of you I don't know the ending either I have no idea where this story will lead me so I am anxious to find out as well so maybe that's why I'm in such a rush. I just need to be patient and let my story tell itself and give in to it and hopefully something amazing and creative will be born.

Coming out of my cocoon

My whole life I have been at odds with myself. I was given a zest for life and a bubbly happy optimistic personality but I fought it for a long time. I didn't have the courage to shine or to have the confidence that I needed. I hid in a cocoon afraid to come out and show the world what I got. I have learned as I have been going through massive life changes and changes in attitude the last couple of years that it's okay to come out and to shine and to let the world see what I have to offer. It's okay to be strong it's okay to be confident it's okay to be me without any apologies. I fell in love with this song a few years ago but it's really relevant to me right now in my life because in a way I have come out of my cocoon to become a beautiful butterfly.

Adoption it is

A LONG chapter in my life has now been closed and I can move forward. I found out last night that I will not be able to carry my own kids without invasive medical procedures which my husband and I are not willing to put ourselves through when there are children out there already born who need good parents and good homes. We are okay with adoption it was just nice to get answers because when I was sixteen and starting to be diagnosed with these problems I was always told maybe and that helped me hold out hope which in a way was more detrimental than being told well it is possible but it would take a lot of medical intervention and a lot of expense. Damian and I have healed and we are ready to move forward and we are not willing to put ourselves through all kinds of procedures and be poked like lab rats just to have a child. Our next steps though is for him to go through DVR which will help him get his bipolar under control and help him with school. I am looking for a job again so we can start to get our legs under us and then we will start the adoption process. We'll get there it's a step at a time.

The One Thing I Hate

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to carry hate with me I try to love as much as I can but there is one thing that I do hate and that is bullying. I detest that and strongly feel that anyone who feels that they have to purposely cut down someone else to build themselves up has some major issues. I was bullied most of my life and that was not a pleasant experience so I will stand up for anyone who I know is being bullied. I didn't fight back then when I should have but I will now and I will help stand up for someone who is being bullied and picked on because others stood up for me. That's the only way the bully is going to learn they expect everyone to give way to them and let them do what they want they don't expect anyone to fight back and say no that isn't right and I'm not going to be pushed around anymore. No one has the right to be picked on cut down or bossed around.

What would the world be like without a BFF??

Tonight turned out to be the best night ever any night I get to talk to my best girl buddy ever is a good night but tonight I really needed to talk to her. I have been going through a lot of stuff lately and I needed her to help me unwind again. She is so good at that she knows when I have obsessed enough and need to have a little fun. She is going to "kidnap" me and we are going to go to her house well where she is staying in Mullan ID and we are going to go swimming and stuff. I told her that was fine with me as long as she returns me at some point along the line or else Damian wouldn't let me play anymore. It's nice to have someone to laugh with and let our hair down with have adventures with and share dessert with. We also want to travel together when we both aren't so flat broke a weekend with her would be hilarious fun. Another adventure we want to share together at some point is to ride a mechanical bull. I did it once but she didn't believe me or so she says so she wants to see me do it again. I never realized how much I have missed having a really close buddy. She and I have such a great friendship it's the best of both worlds not only is she awesome when I need a shoulder to cry on but she is good to have a laugh with and adventure with too. She has a heart of gold and to be honest ever since I met her in the fourth grade I can't imagine what my life would be like without her. She is perfect for me as a friend I tend to obsess and get anxious over the tiniest thing and I tend to get wound up pretty tight she knows me by now and she knows how to talk me down so to speak others have tried and I just want to smack them but somehow she knows how to do it just right. Another thing I love about her is that we never keep score we don't keep track of who owes who what or anything like that we don't get petty like that. She's going to be able to take me to a friends baby shower and she's not going to be petty and charge me for gas but she might need a place to crash for the night so that's fine in exchange. It's nice not to have a petty friendship where each person keeps score over who does what. We both help each other and that is good enough for us it all ends up even somehow. I truly believe that God knew what he was doing when he put us together as friends. I wouldn't have met her had we not moved out to Otis Orchards. She and I started out as classmates then became friends because she wouldn't tolerate someone namely me being bullied and we have been friends ever since. We lost touch for awhile but when you have a real friend that doesn't matter a little time catching up and it's like you were never apart.

No Regrets

I'm learning as I get older to live life the best way that I can. To me that means trying to stay positive and trying to laugh more than I cry. It also means not being afraid to tell the ones that mean the most to me how I feel. It means not being afraid to say I love you and most importantly showing them that love. I have learned that life is an unpredictable thing we all hope that we live to be ancient but sometimes that's not to be. We don't know when it will be our time so the best thing we can do is make the best of the time we have and to love those around us so that way there will be no regrets. If we make the time for the people in our lives who mean the most to us we also won't be full of remorse for lost time when they have to leave us either. They will know how we feel and we won't have the guilt that comes from thinking that we should have made that phone call or come over to visit. I'm okay I'm not dying of anything that I know of but my dad died at 34 years old when I was about 10 and I didn't do everything I could have to let him know how much he meant to me. I naively assumed he would live forever. Since then I have learned to take full advantage of every opportunity to tell and show everyone that means something to you how you feel even if they give you the cold shoulder at the time at least you will know that you tried.

I can FINALLY start writing

I didn't realize when I started writing this historical fiction novel that there would be so much research involved. I have a new respect for people who write this as their genre because even the smallest details matter and must be right and consistent with the time period in which your story is set. I had thought I had researched everything but then a friend of mine reminded me about things I had forgotten so in a way I opened a can of worms so to speak. I finally got started today and so far so good I think this story will flow nicely and will tell itself. That's what I do I let a story tell itself it can't feel forced. Now that I have an idea what I am writing I can give away some details. I decided that I am writing a story set in 1870s America and it will be a love story that starts out with the female character and male character talking about their own stories and situations that's to get you familiar with them as people and then they start to come together in a real romance. It's not going to be all happily ever after and roses there will be real challenges and roadblocks placed in their path and real emotions involved. That's why there was so much research life in Victorian America was detailed and complicated in a way society dictated that things had to be a certain way but I think this story will be worth it. I'm getting really excited about it I will try and finish it as fast as I can so I can let others read it too but that all depends on the story and how fast it will let itself be told I can't control or force that because I learned a long time ago that you get a crappy story when that happens. I really hope the end product will be worth the wait.

My Latest Story

I'm really glad after a several year hiatus that I have started to really write again. I forgot how much I love doing it so much so that it seems stupid of me to almost give it up forever. I will probably never be rich or famous writing but that's not the point the point is for me to start embracing my passions and what I love and writing is one of them. My stories and imagination have been my friends since I could first write and I wrote simple one and two page stories. Throughout high school I didn't wallow that I didn't have a date on Friday or Saturday night I would write a love story instead. I am glad I did take a break for awhile though to give myself room to grow as a person and to have experiences because I am hoping that will make me a better writer. I appreciate words of encouragement as I have gotten started again. I do have a gift for words I always have so I intend to keep writing pleased with new technology that makes my story writing much much faster. Anyway, I decided that I want to write a romance I love those but I prefer a different kind of romance, that is based on real emotions and not just lust like several out there. I also love history so I have decided to combine the two but I won't give away my concept yet that would be cheating. I love historical fiction novels because they tell a story that could have happened. So I just finished some research on my topic so I can get the details right and now my next step is to work on an outline of how I want the story to go before I start writing. I have never written a story longer than 100 pages so that is my goal. With any luck I will be able to make it happen. It's something to work on after my house chores are done anyway.

Bonding over Insurance

I discovered something quite by accident on Sunday night. Damian and I had gone over to his mom and dad's to watch the game of course but when it was over mom needed to go into their computer room because she needed to finish her continuing education courses so she could keep her Washington state insurance license that is her job so that is very important. I thought we were just going to go home but Damian and dad got wrapped up in some cop show so I just thought I would poke my head in to their computer room to see how mom was doing but I told her that if I was bugging her I could leave. Actually, I ended up helping her study for the test she needed to take for that particular course because according to her my eyes are younger and faster and I could see what she was looking for in the sea of text that was on the screen. So I helped her finish that course that night and I liked it. Insurance has interested me don't ask me why but it has but I have never known how to go about getting my license to sell it but now that I do it's something I'm seriously thinking about. Mom was so appreciative of my help Sunday night that she and I studied some more last night and we are going to finish it up tonight which is something she is excited about. One of the hardest courses was last night annuities are not fun to learn about they are complicated but I survived so according to mom if I can survive those I'm good to go. Mom is so sweet though I'm helping her because I want to but to show me how much she appreciates my help she is going to treat Damian and I to Alice in Wonderland in 3D when they go so that is a nice bonus. It's been really cool to have this bonding time just the two of us we haven't done that in a long long time and it's just been amazing. Things were rocky for awhile with them but I think that can be said for any relationship and while it wasn't always smooth sailing I'm thrilled that it is now.

An amazing movie

Damian's mom surprised us on Monday night she called and asked if Damian and I would like to join her and dad for a movie Tuesday night their treat. So that's how we ended up not only getting to see Avatar but getting to see it in 3D and although that really took some getting used to it was a cool effect. The glasses have come a long way since the cheesy paper ones I remember seeing in the 80s when I was growing up. Seeing it that way really brought the movie to life so it made a good movie even better. I don't usually like hype when it comes to movies. I am picky about movies actually I have a few categories that I place movies in. First is the ones that I won't see no how no way followed by ones that I saw that were okay but will probably never see again. Then I follow that up by movies that were good but that I may never see again and then the last one is movies that I thought were amazing and that I would see again and again. Avatar fell into the last category it was well written and everything was good it wasn't just full of special effects and that was the only thing good about it. In fact it was so good that I cried you end up caring about the characters in this movie and to me that's what makes a movie really good.

Please Leave Comments

I know I am opinionated sometimes and I like to share my point of view but I know many of you read this blog please feel free to leave a comment when you do. I may have my thoughts and opinions but I am open to others as well and I love reading what you have to say so feel free to leave me your point of view.

It's My Life

I found this song awhile ago and I love it. I love Bon Jovi now I didn't think I did but I do. I love rock and roll along with all the other kinds of music I listen to now. This song really speaks to me and the journey I have undertaken in my life. It is my life and I am in charge of it no one else has the right to speak for me or make decisions for me. There is something liberating about that and I feel amazing now that I have taken ownership of myself and my life. I don't let anyone take that away from me.