Movin On

I have been realizing that I have been living in the past....past pain, short comings, mistakes etc and I realized now it's time for movin on so that's what this is about to me. I am also realizing and mentally preparing myself because part of movin on for me maybe leaving Spokane for awhile....I have been realizing that everything has happened here. There is so much about Spokane that I love but so much that is familiar and the same I am starting to feel like I need to stretch out and see what I'm made of...it's time for to move on I think although I will miss everyone I love dearly and I will miss the place that has been home my whole life. I found this song and it has been inspiring me it was just what I needed so I wanted to share it with you as well

On the Road to Recovery

Last Friday I had a dentist appointment which I was looking forward too only in the sense that a tooth ache that had persisted for months would soon be remedied. I knew a tooth just had to come out there was too big of a hole there for it to be saved what I didn't know was it was a wisdom tooth. My grandma was kind enough to take me into the CHAS clinic on North Maple in Spokane (on a side note I love this CHAS clinic compared to the other ones they were professional but kind at the same time it was a great experience). Anyway, I went in and they did an x-ray and that's when I found out that it was a wisdom tooth. That made me nervous but I was even more so when the dentist told me usually she doesn't do those kind of teeth but in my situation she would try. That didn't boost my confidence much especially since I know I have a small jaw and a small mouth so that didn't help. All I could do was pray well thankfully, the tooth came out in one piece and I didn't feel a thing for several hours. My grandparents released me into the care of my husband and after grabbing an ice pack and taking a pain pill I went to bed. I was in and out for awhile after that sleeping a lot but now I am happy to say that I am well on the road to recovery and thankfully there was no real complications besides being sore which is not surprising considering how big of a hole that was left behind. Thankfully I am a fast healer and so I'm starting to feel better it's also nice to be well again after months of swallowing poision basically and not realizing that was what was making me so sick. On another note I'm glad that I went to this CHAS clinic for those of you who don't know what that is let me elaborate CHAS stands for Community Health Association of Spokane and they are set up to provide basic medical and some basic dental services for people who may or may not have medical insurance so they accept payment on a sliding fee scale if you happen to not have insurance. This way people ideally can get the care they need. Here was the problem I have run into and I'm not the only one I'm sure the last time I had to go there for even a basic female exam I got treated with rude indifference and they gave me the third degree for NOT having any kind of medical insurance. I'm sorry but although I was employed at the time the place was a real crap hole for lack of a better word and they were too cheap to treat their employees well at all so what choice did I have. I cringed thinking of having to go back to a CHAS clinic but this clinic on Maple not only looked nice but the receptionist was kind but professional, then the dentist and assistants were professional but very kind and let me know I was in good hands and did their best to put me at ease. Not only that but they made sure I wasn't in any pain during the procedure which was greatly appreciated no one wants to have a tooth pulled if they are only halfway numb. They walked me out and even helped me get my prescription filled. I had a wonderful experience it is nice to know that at least one medical facility in Spokane doesn't treat people like second class citizens if they don't happen to have insurance, what people need to realize is that medical insurance is expensive and that even if someone is fortunate enough to be employed that doesn't always mean that their employer will offer them medical or dental benefits. I was employed for over two years for Venture Data and I didn't recieve any of those things.

Found Wedding Pictures???

I got a bit of good news just now....I may be able to have back in my possession some of my wedding photos from my wedding nine years ago. When Damian and I separated I was too angry and hurt to take any of the photos with me a BIG mistake because Damian threw what pictures we had into a random box and without bothering to check what was in there had that box put into a storage unit he shared with a friend and when the friend lost the storage unit to non payment all of our wedding photos were lost too. Once we got back together this has devastated me we have the memories of our day but that was it nothing else and that bothered me a lot so I got the idea today to call Northwest Images to see if they kept an archive of their photos that they shoot and they do. I gave the gal my information and they are going to look and see if they still have them on file and then she will call back. I'm knocking on wood and keeping fingers crossed that they will find at least something... I don't need a whole bunch of pictures I just want a few that I can put in an album that way I can at least have something to show for my wedding day. My dad's cousin Lori took the ones of us at the temple but I don't know if she would still have any of those or not. I am also going to check with Damian's parents I think they said they still have a few. I am really hoping someone does I will be really sad if I can't find anything.

Making this world a better place to be

Last night I was doing some thinking that came about after finding out about some volunteer work that my father in law was doing that I would have not known had I not called and asked if he could take me to my dentist appointment tomorrow morning. He never mentions any of his volunteer work and that's what I love about him he is eager to help but he NEVER says anything about any of it. I didn't know this until the 4th of July this year but he served in the Army and ever since then has done all he can to help support and love our veterans in his own way. He attends funerals he does motorcyle rides with other veterans wearing proudly his red white and blue do rag and he is involved with volunteering for the veteran's sporting events being held this week in Spokane. Many other family members and people I love also do their part and you know that's what makes me still have hope for this world. While there is a lot of ugliness and hatred and pain there is still lots of beauty and love and healing as well living on through people like my father in law and many others who freely give of their time to help. This also speaks volumes to me about his love for this country it doesn't stop after he served he still finds a way to support our heros who gave all they have for our behalf. He is inspiring me and I'm thinking that I have a debt of gratitude to pay their must be something I can do to help our veterans know that I appreciate them and what they did.

In a Rut

I have been feeling lately like I'm in a rut...my life is the same that it has been years ago. That used to comfort me I HATED change I HATED everything that was different but now I feel confined. I feel like I need a change I need to take a risk and try something new. I am starting to embrace changes and embrace my life and I'm starting to feel like maybe Spokane while it is wonderful and my childhood home is not where I need to be anymore. I'm staying right now until my husband can get stability in his counseling and medication established but we have both been feeling like we need to bust free from this area and have a change of pace and scenery. This will be hard especially for me my family is here and my life is here I was born and raised here but I also feel like I need to do this for my personal growth I need to know if I can truly make it on my own without anyone to lean on if that makes any sense. I rediscovered Kelly Clarkston's Breakaway song and it sums up how I feel. I want to include a video of that so that way you all know that while I love you and love my home town I need to also breakaway and learn to make it on my own. It's just the lyrics but that's what helps when you listen to a song...at least it helps me.

Family Names and Family History

I was helping my grandma the other day transcribe some of the family history she has been working on onto pedigree charts and it was tedious work but at the same time it was fun work too. I reached a point as we were trying to confirm information and correct it as necessary and as it was recorded onto the pedigree charts that we are going to share with other members of our family that these people became more than just names to me. I'm happy about that as I LOVE family history work I just never knew where to start. I'm glad grandma is going to let me help her as she works on it. I also found some really interesting names to name kids some were WAY too old fashioned no offense to anyone but some really weren't all that bad so I wrote them down as you never know.

The Storm Blew Over

I really don't know what the deal is with Damian's folks just as quickly as they yell and scream and say things and act like idiots it is all over and they pretent NOTHING happened. I don't know what to make of it exactly but I'm not going to be the one to rock the boat again at least for now. We did go over to their house last night and we had a GOOD show fireworks are legal in the city of Airway Heights and we didn't have to buy any we got a kick out of just watching. We also had some hamburgers and chips so that worked out. I have decided with his parents and aunt that they are interesting critters and it takes all kinds of people to make up this world so I'm just going to go with the flow. I have decided that trying to figure them out is pointless so I'm not going to waste my time and energy anymore. I just really want Damian to keep going with his therapy no matter what because it's the only way we both will be able to find peace and happiness and will be able to add to our family. I already have made it perfectly clear that until his mood stabilizes I'm not going to bring a baby into the mix. At the same time though they are perfectly gentle and calm when it involves their cats or babies. I think a BIG part of it is that Damian's mom devoted herself wholly to her kids and now that they are adults and can run their own lives she doesn't know how to handle herself and dad wants to help her feel good about herself so he tries to still tell his kids what to do and how it's going to be. I'm sorry it doesn't work that way...their youngest is 27 or will be in November so as hard as it may be for them they need to learn to adjust because the my way or no way stragedy is NOT working anymore.

Run in with Damian's dad

I want to first off say that I love Damian's dad overall he is a good person and a good man but at the same time I'm kinda angry with him right now. Last night he helped me get something home and I took that time to tell him about Damian's therapy you know in case they wanted to give him their moral support. Well, first Dad told me that the counselor was wrong Damian was fine and NOT bipolar and that he doesn't need to be filled with any meds and that once a week therapy is way too excessive. I love this man but he got this upset because he and Damian's mom have one flaw they take things personally that shouldn't be taken personally. They feel responsible for Damian's illness so they want to just pretend it's not happening but it's NOT their fault bipolar happens. I'm going to trust a professional over him anyday just saying. Also I told dad that Damian needs the therapy sessions to deal with his anger issues so he doesn't take them out on me or anyone else and I also told him that they are NOT just going to pump him full of medication that they want to ONLY give him enough so he can be stablized because Dad doesn't have to live with him. Damian's mood swings can get way out of control and he barely sleeps etc. This is where his Dad's pride hurts me because he basically made me feel last night like I didn't love his son at all and that I'm just doing this to him so I can harm him. NO I'm doing this so Damian can try and live a normal life and so we can have what we like like children and so he can find peace and happiness. GRRRRRRRRRR I just wish his parents would get over themselves.

I Just want to explode!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe I'm doing this type of post again but I need to let this vent out somehow I'm so angry right now I can explode. Damian JUST started getting therapy and how does his family namely his mother help out by calling to yell and scream and hang up on him when she didn't get her way. Around 5 this evening dad called frantic because their computer isn't working and Damian offered then to help him but dad said he had it under control. Then now at 7pm dad called again and the computer is toast it needs a total reformat and reinstall which can take up to a minimum of 4 hours if done right. Damian told dad this and offered to help tomorrow but dad said that was no good so they agreed on Saturday. Done deal right? NOPE!!!!!! His mom called a few moments later and yelled at Damian and told him it had to be done TONIGHT no if's and's or but's then she hung up on him. Then when Damian called dad back dad denied ever telling him that and said that if Damian wasn't willing to be a good son and help that Shawn would. Shawn and his lovely wife Danielle are heading over there right now in fact....which is also making Damian and I fume because they needed to just butt out of this and Damian is feeling back stabbed right now. I can't say that I blame him....but that's okay Damian has the upper hand mom and dad don't have the windows os cd Damian does. They want Damian to just rush over after Shawn is done and do it but I told him not to. I may sound childish when I say this but I don't care the way they treated Damian was rude uncalled for and disrespectful. I told Damian NOT to go over there until he gets an apology and they learn to control themselves. I know his mom is addicted to facebook BUT she can wait a couple of days she won't DIE if she can't get online. I am doing my best to stay out of this this is Damian's fight but it steams me that they are treating him this way....no wonder he needs therapy they are sweet as pie one moment then vultures the next.

Our prayers have been answered

I am so relieved right now it's not even funny Damian got back from his appointment today and he told me that his counselor will be working with him quite closely to help him get his bipolar under control...she did acknowledge that she can not prescribe medication for him but she will be finding someone who can and that in addition to regular counseling sessions with her and Cloud his cat being his official therapy animal he will be on his way to finding some normalcy. Cloud is Damian's cat and has always been in tune with Damian and his moods and sometimes that cat is all Damian wants and no one else so I'm thankful that Damian will be given paperwork that allows Cloud to go with us to every apartment from now on whether they allow pets or not. Basically the only difference between a service pet and a therapy animal is that with a service pet you HAVE to take them everywhere you go with a therapy animal you do not but they are still helpful for you in relaxing you and helping you with your therapy. Damian has a few appointments this month to get things rolling. He sounded better all ready I think just by having someone acknowledge that he isn't going crazy and that how he's feeling can be treated. I also really feel like the therapy sessions will help him quite a bit he has a lot of unresolved anger and issues from his past and his childhood that need to be taken care of. I really am thankful that we are going to be able to get him the help that he will need to start feeling better. He will always be bipolar but over time his symptoms will improve and we can find a sense of normalcy.

On Pins and Needles

I forgot to mention some stuff on my last post so here it goes....I'm feeling really nervous and anxious today more so than I have in a while. Damian has his first doctor's appointment tomorrow and I'm nervous and hoping they will be able to help him treat his bipolar. The nerves are because we have been waiting for so long and going through this for so long now that part of me is scared that the doctor will tell him nothing is wrong although there definitely is and he will be sent on his way. I'm not scared about him starting treatment or what the medications might do because I know that he needs help and he needs to get balanced. It's taking all the faith I have right now to trust that everything will be all right. I have prayed about it already and I have gotten a reassurance he will be okay I am still a little scared. I know it's not a rational feeling for me to feel this way but I feel emotion first then am logical second. I would appreciate prayers right now that everything will be okay.

Our nine year anniversary and other things

I haven't had a chance to blog in a little bit so I'm a few days behind. June 24th was our anniversary and to celebrate Damian and I made a pact with each other that our computers stayed off the WHOLE day. That doesn't sound like a big deal but Damian and I are both self proclaimed internet junkies so it was tough for the both of us. We mostly cuddled and watched some Friends episodes on DVD that we had borrowed from Damian's mom. That evening my wonderful husband grilled steaks for us on a grill that we had borrowed from a neighbor. It was the same one I had eyed at Walmart and now I know it works. We had a nice dinner outside and talked a bit and after dinner we just relaxed and talked some more. I love this about Damian we don't have to do anything fancy we just take delight in just being together. I can't believe it's been nine years all ready though. We also have never run out of things to talk about. Other than our anniversary we aren't up to a whole lot we have just been having a pretty low key summer.