A Quiet Thanksgiving

For a long time Damian and I have had crazy hectic Thanksgivings...spending the whole weekend with both sides of the family getting stuffed with way more food than we need to eat. Not that I am complaining it was fun to be able to spend time with family and even a few stray friends of his folks who had no where else to go. I am also thankful that this year we were able to have a quiet Thanksgiving just the two of us. I think people sometimes over look the fact that although we do not have children right now that Damian and I are a family too. Damian's folks were down in California visiting Angela, Randall and baby Ella and we decided that although we enjoy being with everyone that we wanted to just enjoy a quiet day of reflection and conversation together. While Damian was sleeping still I put the ham in the oven as we didn't feel like having turkey this year and prepped the stuffing mix I bought and the sweet potatoes. I already had the pumpkin pies baked so by noon we were ready to eat and we just ate all day long in shifts getting more whenever we got hungry. We had the tv off and we just talked and spent the day together. I love sometimes the hectic craziness of being around lots of family and people but sometimes it is just nice to be together too in our little family. That is a big pet peeve of mine people NOT understanding that while our family is tiny he and I are still a family we are an eternal family unit. We appreciate the invitations don't get me wrong but don't feel sorry for us we get along just fine eating our special dinner and having wonderful conversations together. Damian is my best friend and anytime I get with him is special time especially when it is a holiday. I love and am so grateful for him.

The Innocence of Youth

Damian and I had a chance to spend some time with my siblings Thanksgiving weekend just to see the kids mostly. That was a good time for us to see Gaige he has grown so much since May, he is army crawling now and is really quick and is trying to walk. It is so neat watching him as he tries to figure stuff out. He warmed up to us pretty quick. Lexus is so smart she put together simple puzzles and is talking up a storm and she played with and hugged and kissed ALL her aunts and uncles. I don't think at her age she has favorites anyone who loves her and pays attention to her is her favorite. Then little Kaylee just looked around for awhile with wide eyes drinking everything in before eating and going sleep. I LOVE them all they are all so different but they are all sweet in their own ways and unspoiled by the outside world. They are still innocent and I was thinking that is a good way for them to be I hope they will be that way for awhile. That got me thinking about a lot of things....like how adults can manipulate their kids into having favorites like a favorite grandparent or aunt or uncle instead of just letting them love everyone in their family circle. I think that happens whether intentional or not. While it is important for a parent or loving adult to guide your child to keep them safe because in their innocence anyone can harm them at the same time I think sometimes it happens where they can be influenced to say or do certain things like saying that they have favorite family members. This makes me sad because why do we have to have favorites? Why can't we all have enough love in our hearts for all our family and even room to love dear friends as family? Why are we limiting our ability to love others and in the process accidentally teaching that to our children? I don't understand that as it has been my experience that the human heart and the ability to love is quite elastic there is always room to love someone else and to treat them well. I truly believe that love and respect and understanding can do much to counteract hatred and fear.

A Family Again

I am excited that the Impett family feels like a family again but I am getting ahead of myself let me start over at the beginning.
I met Damian ten years ago as of Friday night at a dance for young single adults at our church and we immediately hit it off and became fast friends and just as fast serious about one another. We just knew that we were right for each other. So as is customary I met his parents the weekend before Christmas. I rode out on the bus with Damian where his mom picked us up at the McDonald's out here and we went to church with them and had dinner and got acquainted with all the members of the family. What struck me right away was how loving and kind his family was and how they bantered with one another but never in a mean spirited hurtful way. I was welcomed warmly and invited back which was a wonderful feeling because you always want a meeting with your significant others parents and family to go well.
I was even pleasantly surprised when Angela one of Damian's sisters handed me a wrapped present from their parents at church the following week. It was a beautiful necklace which I still have and it was sweet that it was marked love mom and dad Impett. I was a little taken back not because it scared me but because they all ready included me as one of them. Mom told me later it was because when she saw Damian and I together she knew that we would be married and together forever and that I would be a part of their eternal family. Damian and I got engaged shortly after that and while my mom was giving me grief and problems Damian's mother was helpful and kind and understood that I had to try and please two families. I was welcome over there any time and few times when Damian would be over doing laundry I would come over after school. I sometimes would get there early so Dad and I would talk...he was hard to get to know at first but well worth it. He has been a loving and caring father to me meanwhile respecting my own father. Mom,Damian and I would watch movies downstairs while he did his laundry and we would all talk. I also remember a time when I was coerced into playing a violin solo in sacrament meeting and I don't think my mom was there but I do remember Angela, Damian and mom and dad in the front row. I screwed it up but they thought it was beautiful anyway. I also remember sharing with them the blessing of when Damian got set apart as an elder. They were there and an active part of our wedding day and reception dad even took us home in his old jeep he used to have because while my mom didn't understand a newlywed's need for some privacy between our wedding and reception they did. He graciously brought us back to the church so we could celebrate our union. For many years after that we had a wonderful relationship mom even taking me shopping every month for awhile without complaining and we would eat lunch together and we even split up one night at the movies to avoid a family mutiny. We were split right down the middle the guys wanted to see Black Hawk Down while mom and I wanted to see A Beautiful Mind. Well, we split up the guys seeing their movie and mom and I seeing ours. We got along great and then I don't know what happened but a couple of years ago that all changed for a long while and there was contention and mean words spoken. Damian and I felt sad and torn and not supported anymore. Just recently that changed again and we are so glad because it feels like we are an eternal family again. I still have an eternal family with my birth family and we have also shared many happy memories together but it has been our experience that it is easier for everyone when Damian and I aren't torn apart trying to please everyone in our families and when it feels like we are all a family.

O Holy Night

It's getting to be the time of year where we start thinking about Christmas I know Thanksgiving isn't over yet and no I'm not skipping that but it has been my experience that they are identical if celebrated correctly. I am not about commercialism although the gifts are nice to me it's all about celebrating the birth of the Savior Jesus Christ and in that spirit giving thanks goes hand in hand. I LOVE this song it is my favorite Christmas song of all time and Josh Groban sings it the best I have ever heard so I want to share it. If you choose to listen to it please really listen to the message of the song. This song and it's message really gives me the chills. Anyway enjoy!

Acceptance

I have been pondering a lot lately and I have come to some conclusions that I didn't have when I was in my younger days like my teens and early 20s. What I have found out is about acceptance and how it works and how it can have so many different meanings. What used to happen is that someone would do something or behave a certain way and I would take it personally and ache over it or be angry and hold on to that. What I have learned now that I'm almost 30 and have had some life experiences under my belt and have had some counseling is to NOT take something someone else does so personally. I have learned a few simple things the first being that I have absolutely NO control over their feelings or behavior all I can do is control my own and second being that just because someone doesn't behave or do something that you think they should doesn't mean that they don't love you with all that they have. I have tried to learn to be accepting of how other people think about feelings, and love and relationships because it is so different because everyone is different. I happen to need more cuddles and affection and kisses and that's okay but it is also okay for a dear friend of mine to not need as much of that. I have basically realized that just because someone doesn't love you the way that you think they should doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have or in the best way that they know how. I have also just learned to let some things go and not kill myself trying to win over someone's heart. I figured out that when I do that I use so much energy on a fruitless endeavor that I don't have anything left for the people who do show me how much they care and love me. I have also been figuring out that the loving care of a dear friend can be as wonderful and fulfilling as a family relationship I know that sounds strange but I have two friends that are closer to me than my own sister and from their friendships I have gained so much and feel so much love and support.

A Good Weekend

Damian and I just had a good weekend...it started out boring as usual but then I called Christina who politely asked if she and her daughter Hailey could come and stay with us for the weekend. Everything is okay at home it's just that they live in cramped living quarters right now and she hoped the change would do them both good. It was so good to have them over. Hailey can be a handful but she is also a sweet four year old with a BIG imagination it was fun though playing with her. We watched movies and talked and played with Hailey. Christina and I got some talking in which was nice all in all it was a lot of fun but I was also exhausted by the end of the weekend and today I ended up crashing. Ah, well tomorrow I hope I can get everything done that I hoped to get done today. I have some important phone calls I have to make and I have some other stuff I have do get done this week.

Daddy's Hands

I found this song one day and I have fallen in love with it...It is true of Daddy's every where. My daddy's hands were both gentle and hard as steel but always full of love. He always wanted what was best for me and he loved me no matter what I did. My father in law is the same way...I have been in the Impett family for 10 years almost and my husband's dad can be such a kind gentle loving man in fact he embraced me basically as a daughter but at the same time when his kids do wrong he is not afraid of his hands becoming like steel. However, it's ALWAYS out of love. He has a bond with Damian to this day that I encourage because I would do anything to even have a few hours with my dad. I told Damian that he needs to take those special times now because you don't know when you won't have them anymore.

I have really cute nieces!!

Today was the day...Damian and I got to see Kaylee for the first time and oh what an angel. She has really dark hair and she slept the whole time so I couldn't see her eyes but oh she is just a sight to behold. Lexus is cute too I made sure that I spent some time one on one with her first...she showed me her coloring book and her bedroom with all her Dora the Explorer stuff and then she had to show her uncle Damian. I got to hold Kaylee first and while I did Damian got on the floor and played with Lexus..then Lexus noticed I was holding Kaylee so she had to tell me to be careful that was her sister. That was really cute and sweet. Then of course Damian had a turn and Lexus and I looked at some of her books. She is doing really well for a two and a half year old so far. She is taking it all in stride. I'm just proud of her though she said my name today and gave me hugs and kisses and was happy to see me. She also warmed up to Damian quite nicely so that warmed both of our hearts. I would love to share pictures but my sister asked me nicely not to share pictures of her kids on the internet which I understand and need to respect but just know they are both so darn cute. It was all in all a really great day.

A Decade Already???

I can't believe it has almost been a decade already....10 years Thanksgiving weekend since I first laid eyes on Damian and our love story started. I still remember every detail of that night and my friend Anna telling me to send her a wedding announcement I don't know how she knew but she did that we would be together. That became obvious soon to everyone else as we were engaged by January, January 3rd to be exact and married by June 24th. I had promised that I wouldn't do anything impulsive but although we married quickly and I was still young, I had just turned 20 I knew in my heart Damian was the one. I knew because from the first conversation he gave me his address, birthday, home phone number, cell number, pager number everything but his social security number just in case. He wanted me to be able to reach him. He had this ability to read me and my emotions and know just when I needed him and many nights we talked 12 plus hours until late into the night. Poor Damian I would need him when I couldn't sleep but then somehow he would get up and go to work although I had kept him up most of the night. I also knew he was the one when he put his arm around me and asked how I was and he had just met me. When I told him I was doing fine he said well your face says you aren't doing fine so please tell me how you really are. I couldn't believe it so I just broke down and told him everything thinking oh crap now I scared this guy away but he just listened intently and said that he was sorry and that he hoped I had a better day. Later that same night he finally asked me out but we were boyfriend and girlfriend before our first date but that's okay because everything with him has felt so natural and so right. We have had our ups and downs and we were separated for a little while, I think that was because in order for us to learn to be married the way we needed to be that we had to take care of ourselves before we could take care of each other but once we did we could come back together. We had always loved each other even when we lied and said we didn't. We came back together and while the path back together wasn't easy we have learned the secret...we have learned to walk it together helping each other gently by reaching out a hand instead of dragging the other along like we used to. We remembered why we fell in love and we have been learning the art of compromise and that loyalty to each other is paramount. We have learned that even when things annoy us that we are each others ultimate best friend and that keeping a sense of humor is so important as is honest and open communication. We have learned to have a healthy amount of distance between us and trust that even when we want our space for a little while we will come back together again and feel renewed and refreshed when we do. We have learned that it's okay to not share every interest and that it's still okay to have our own little interests and hobbies while we are discovering ones we like together. We have even learned that it's okay to keep our own friends in our lives and not just the ones we have as a couple. Mostly though we realize that while 10 years is a milestone it's just a start really just a small speck of time and we pray that we can have many more decades together. I have thought I was in love many times but it has been nothing like this...it's hard to put into words. I love Damian more now than back then maybe because our love has been time tested and stretched to it's limit and still held. Maybe it's because he has proven to me time and time again that I can trust him and rely on him and that he loves me as well and that I'm beautiful to him no matter how old I am starting to get. Over the years we have found songs that have meant so much to us and we want to share them.....

Kaylee is here!!!

My mom called me after 11 and for a minute I was thrown for a loop my mom has never called me so late but I am so glad she did. Last night at a little after 10:30 or so my newest little niece, Kaylee Anne was born. She weighed around 8.5 lbs and was about 23 inches long so she is a big girl. I don't have pictures yet because we haven't been able to see her yet but I can imagine she is beautiful she has lots of dark hair so far. I can't wait to get to know her...I wonder what her personality will be like. I wonder what her likes and dislikes will be. It's going to be fun getting to know her like I have her big sister. I don't have to worry about loving her...I love her all ready and I don't even know her yet that's the beautiful thing about my heart it stretches and grows always. I love so much as it is but somehow my heart always manages to get bigger. I hope I get to know her soon and get to hold her and at the same time give big hugs to my other little munchkin Lexus. I know how important it is to be fair to the both of them so I plan on doing just that.

Blessings

This is the time of year when I naturally start counting my blessings...and this year there have been many and my heart is so full. I'm sure the Lord has more in store for me that's how it is we try to be better people to please him and try and repay a small amount of all that we have been given but then in it's place we are given more. I want to try and just list a few of the blessings I have and try and articulate my gratitude although words will simply not be enough. I have to try though
......I am first and foremost thankful for the love of my Heavenly Father and of Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice on my behalf. I have been living on faith for the last couple of years and I can say that at times walking with faith has been really hard but at the same time I have grown and learned so much as He has kept me safe in the hollow of His hand.
.....I am so grateful for the lessons I have been learning from the little ones I have in Primary. I thought I would be the one teaching them but it has been the other way around they have been teaching me so much. They have been teaching me love, patience, understanding and discernment as I have been learning to listen to them learn gospel truths and try and share with me what they are learning. My heart is full for them all ready and I just barely became their teacher I never knew I could love so much.
....I am so thankful that I have my health and that all my body is intact. I say this in light of the fact that for several days I could barely see because I had a very red very sore eye. I realized then how much I take for granted that my body is whole and fully functioning so I am so thankful for that.
.....Even though it's a crap hole run by a slum lord I have to be thankful for a roof over my head because many don't have that. I am thankful to be warm and dry and protected from the outside weather and along with that I am thankful to have good food to eat.
....I am so thankful for my dear husband and love of my life. He brings a lot of joy and happiness and laughter into my life. We have been together for 10 years and while there has been pain and sorrow there has also been so much joy, laughter and love and I am so grateful to have him and I hope he knows how much I love him and how much having him in my life means to me.
.....By the same token I am so grateful for my family members and their love and support.
....I need to add this separately just because I love them all so much but I am so thankful and grateful for my nieces and nephew who bring so much love and joy into my life and my heart. I love them so so much it's hard to describe. Seeing them brightens my day. Gaige is so small but so loving and he trusts so completely. Lexus is a snuggle bug too but with a big smile and a mischievous streak. She is a helper girl though and tries to please and get your affection. I love giving them hugs. Ella is our miracle baby...Angela and Randall got her as a foster daughter about a year ago a month or so after she was born about 3 months early weighing only 2.5 lbs. We didn't know then if she would even survive but with their love and affection she is not only alive she is thriving and although I haven't held her I love seeing her smile through the pictures and video I receive. Kaylee will be born any time now and I can't wait to meet her and get to know her personality and I'm sure she will do much to add to my joy and happiness. I can say with all my heart and soul that I love being an auntie to these precious little ones and I hope that as they grow up they feel how much I love and support them.
.....I am truly grateful for my dear friends the kind I have are worth so much more than all the treasures in the world... they are priceless. They are more than just shopping buddies or lunch pals or someone to watch a movie with they are true friends. They have laughed and cried with me. They have helped as I I have made it through my life walking with me and helping to lift me up when I stumbled until I could get up on my legs again and when they couldn't walk with me anymore they were on the sidelines cheering me on. I love them they mean so much to me I know how sweet it is to have dear friends who walk beside you and truly love and support you. Along with this I am so thankful the Lord brought back into my life my two best friends beside my husband. They are the type of friends that you feel like they could be your sisters. I am so blessed to have them in my life again. It's wonderful to have best girl friends to talk to and spend quality time with and to share half your desert with. I have been so blessed to have all my friends but especially my two unrelated sisters they have done so much for me in recent years as all my dear friends have.
I could drone on and on about my blessings but I won't....just know that I carry gratitude and thankfulness in my heart for all I have been given.