Lowest weight ever

I'm having a proud proud moment I have reached my lowest weight ever. I also was able to exercise on my step for 20 minutes this morning. I have never been able to do that before. Granted, I had to break it up into two 10 minute chunks but still I did 20 minutes. I'm enjoying how I'm feeling again as I am taking better care of my health. I did discover that exercise was so much better than sweets or comfort food for relieving stress. I was really stressed out until I started to exercise and now all my stress is gone and I feel amazing. 

The most unique way to learn

This week we have been learning about the learning model BYU-Idaho has and to be honest with you its amazing but completely foreign to me. It consists of three parts be prepared, teach and be taught and ponder and prove. The be prepared part is pretty self explanatory you are expected to come to class prepared and have had your assignments done ahead of time. Part of that is also coming prepared with insights or questions you may have. The next part is to teach and be taught basically we all are in this together and we learn together in an environment that is kind and respectful. This is what has been the most unique for me I'm used to a college environment where I've been talked at for an hour. Granted I am doing this online but this model still applies I've never been in an environment where the instructor has let us teach and learn from each other its really great. It is so helpful in the learning process because it helps me to be prepared for class but also it helps me learn because if I can explain it to someone else I know it. The last part of the learning model is to ponder and prove. This last area I am still pretty weak in I will admit but I'm getting better as the weeks progress. Pondering and proving involves personal responsibility for our learning it is ultimately up to us what we get from the classes we take. I'm learning to go above and beyond the call of duty and do more than the bare minimum. It's still hard right now but as I'm seeking out more knowledge about a subject I'm finding I'm liking the extra effort it takes. Another part of that is to find ways to connect what you are learning to your life and apply it so its not just useless knowledge in your head somewhere. This has been really really different from any other college environment that I've known in a wonderful way its pretty amazing the confidence that I've been feeling as I've been learning to seek learning by knowledge and by faith as the Doctrine and Covenants say.  

Oh and Lissa this is for you lol

Oh and Lissa this is for you you asked for an update on how I'm doing in my other goals including weight loss. The answer is okay I had gained quite a bit over the holidays but the good news is that I'm back on track and starting to lose again. I'm almost down to what I was before Christmas just a couple of pounds to go. Its actually been helpful that school is keeping me busy at home sometimes I forget to eat. When I do eat I definitely don't eat as much as I once did so its been really helpful to not feel as bored. Now if this darn cold would go away I could get back to exercising. Anyway, the process continues I think my overall approach has just been overall wellness. I noticed that when I feel good about myself that everything falls into place together. I want to take care of my body I want to eat better I want to make good choices so its coming along patience is a virtue. I didn't pack on an extra 160 or so pounds overnight so it won't come off that way. 

Feeling better

Thanks to all of you for your comments and support they really do mean a lot. I think speaking up and reaching out really helped I was able to have a voice and I was able to vocalize how I felt and that helped a lot to make things better. The encouragement is nice too because to be honest for a moment I thought to myself what am I doing this is crazy. I could be working more I could be doing more but then I had to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I am taking care of my family by furthering my education. So I'm not only going to stick with it but I am going to go even further I am going to go for my dreams my whole dream not just part of it. That includes not only getting my AA degree but getting my Bachelors of Arts in Education. What kind I have yet to determine as I will pray about that as the time gets closer. What have I learned this week that helped me? One, I'm not alone I reached out to other classmates online who have felt this way too and that helped. My instructor for that class also reached out a hand of encouragement which was really great. I also got encouragement from so many others thank you so much. I know I have to get this degree for myself but words of kindness and support mean so much to keep my momentum going. Two, I learned that I can hang tough I didn't quit I didn't falter even when I felt blah I finished my assignments and I finished them on time. Three, the Lord is mindful of me even during my tough times. One particularly lonely day I found on youtube a video someone posted that was over an hour long of Micheal McLean songs. God bless them I listened and many of them I needed to hear to keep me going. I started off crying and crying and crying some more. Then as I cried it out the tears dried and I was able to really hear the message that I needed to. I felt the Spirit embrace me like a warm hug and I felt better. I also felt better just for letting the tears flow it was cleansing in a way. This will not be an easy journey but now I know more than ever that the Lord wants me to go on this path. He has prepared a way he is mindful of me and he will not let me fail if I do two things, give it my best effort and turn to him when my best effort just isn't enough. 

I need help please

I'm reaching out for some help and advice because I know many of you who read my blogs have gone through or are going through what I am currently so you may be able to help me out. I love school I love that I have a chance to learn but man its been an emotional roller coaster too. Its had lots of highs for one thing I have 2 A's and I'm proud of that but its also had its lows too which I will get to in a moment. I am grateful last week that we studied the phases of adjustment so I would kind of know what to expect as I got settled into my new college environment if you will but there was one phase that hit me just now that I was not expecting and to be honest its taken the wind almost out of my sails. Its the mental isolation phase which is characterized by feeling well isolated. I feel isolated, I feel blah, I feel lonely and it really really sucks. I was not expecting to feel this way because its not like I'm hundreds of miles away from home. I don't know what to do about it besides wait it out. The good news this phase means I'm almost done with my adjustment so that's really good. I am wondering if any of you have felt what I am feeling and if so how did you handle it? What did you do to help make things better? I am reaching out for help and support so I don't feel so isolated and alone. Damian has been wonderful and supportive but at the same time he is no help in this situation because he has never been through what I'm going through. Any words of advice etc would be extremely helpful. Thanks a million and I do feel a little better just being honest about how I'm feeling. 

My faith and testimony have increased

I am just a few weeks into my studies but I wanted to note just a couple of things that have really changed in my life. I have had to basically walk with faith and walk in faith I have no idea to be honest with you how a lot of things will work out especially since now I can't work full time or even extra shifts like I had been able to before when I've needed to. However, I do know that the Lord knows me, loves me and is mindful of our needs. I truly believe especially as I've started to pay my tithing that my faith and testimony have increased and I know that he will make a way for it all to work out and for it all to be okay. I have learned to let go and let him. I have started a habit of sincerely praying throughout the day as I've needed guidance but especially if a shift at work gets difficult or before I begin my studies. I've noticed a difference I'm calmer I'm not as prone to panic and things go smoother. Not easier always but smoother because I know the Lord is aware of me and he will help me as I do what is right and do my best to follow his commandments and be obedient. For a long time I've been stubbornly doing my own thing and you know I floundered and now that I'm not fighting things are better. I'm doing well so far in my classes and things are going well at work so I have sufficient for my needs right now. I'm so grateful for this inspired Pathways program and I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows me and loves me flaws and all. I'm grateful for his hand in my life and for his guidance as I try to improve things and become more self reliant. I'm grateful for the atonement and all that it means and that its because of the atonement that I can turn myself around, repent and attempt to do better when I make mistakes. I also wanted to say thanks for the support and kind words it really does mean a lot because to be honest sometimes I wondered if I had lost my mind to be going back to school when I could have worked more hours to "provide" for my family. That's another thing the Lord has blessed me with lately and that's an eternal perspective getting my education is for the future not the short term, In the short term I am working a pretty much dead end job with no job security so I could chase after it and hope and pray that it lasts but in getting my education I can assure a better more secure future for my family so that' what I'm going to do no matter what challenges present themselves. I now know and understand what my Stake President meant when he called me and talked to me about Pathways he told me to keep walking even if for the first few steps you have to walk in the dark the Lord will light the way. He will open doors he is mindful of you but you have to be in a place where he can do that for you. He does not ask us to do something without having a way in mind. I'm so grateful for that wisdom and that council.

School Days are back again

I'm so excited its official I am once again a college student. It took more than a little prodding I will admit I'm very stubborn but thanks to a more stubborn Bishop and Stake President I'm in the Pathways program the LDS church has set up in partnership with BYU-Idaho. Its set up like this my first three semesters I'm in the same two classes as others in my age group. Its my first semester so we're taking a life skills course and the first half of the Book of Mormon. Each semester is designed to help us assimilate to life in college. After we complete the first year we then are able to move on and become full fledged BYU-Idaho students. Its online and I'm loving it so much more than I did a traditional classroom. The work isn't less but I like that I can discuss topics with students all over I think that is just so cool. I know I just got started but I'm learning so much already I've read the Book of Mormon hundreds if not thousands of times over the course of my life but I've never before gotten so much out of it. I am excited to learn more and I really have felt the difference that comes from learning in an environment where the spirit can dwell. I'm feeling my testimony grow so much already its going to be amazing what happens as the semesters progress.