An interesting thought

I wanted to share a thought that a friend of mine and I had the other day we were talking about the past reminiscing a little. We talked about how our choices then influenced our future in good and not so good ways. We pondered what would have happened had we been able to take the knowledge that we had now to ourselves back then. We also realized that would have been a disaster altering the path of our lives in terrible ways. Good or bad our choices shape us as does the events and people that come into our life. Everything that happens no matter how painful is not wasted it is to help us learn and gain knowledge. Every person that comes into our life even for a brief time has something to teach us or we need to teach them something. I didn't enjoy working at that crappy call center Venture Data although I made the best of it but had I not worked there for as long as I did I wouldn't have met a couple of people who I needed. One is a dear friend to this day and I needed her counsel and wisdom. Another was a kind loving man who lived his life with gusto and passion who always had a smile and a kind word seeing humor in even the toughest of situations. He reminded me so much of my dad unfortunately this dear man lost his battle with cancer a few months ago but for a few years my life was better because I knew him. He made working in the boring mundane call center almost fun with his jokes, lively stories and antics. I almost didn't work there but now my life has been blessed because I did. That has been the same in many things in my life everyone and everything has been brought to me for a reason or a purpose no matter how painful the result. Even the events or people who brought me pain were for my good and I am grateful for them in that I was able to learn.

A commitment to myself

I have been on quite a roller coaster this past year or so in some ways I have come so far and in others I have a long way to go still. I started on a journey to lose weight and well I haven't necessarily done that yet although I have gone from a size 30 to a size 24 so I'm pleased about that. No I haven't done what I have set out to do yet but I have done more. I have learned about myself, I'm learning what makes me tick as a person. I'm learning that I will give someone the shirt off my back before I take care of myself and that sometimes I have to put me first especially when it comes to my emotional or physical health. I have started to learn how to eat better, keep myself mentally healthy and happy and to get some physical activity into my life. I have a way to go still but considering where I started I'm well on my way. What started out as a journey simply to lose weight has now become something more it has become a commitment to myself. It has become a symbol of my new self a self where I can give myself permission to be happy and healthy and strong. I have been learning that it's okay to speak up for what I want and that I have the right to live my life and make my own choices. I'm learning that eating right isn't about deprivation it is about choosing to fuel your body with the best fuel possible I'm learning that exercise doesn't have to be drudgery and I'm learning that laughter is good medicine friends are a wonderful asset to have and that it's important to be grateful and count your blessings. I'm learning to get back into balance as a person and to not allow myself to get out of balance again and that no matter how much I may want to help and I want to be there for someone it's not worth putting myself in jeopardy and out of balance. I'm learning that I am happier when I am in balance and everything is in place.

A day that will live in infamy for the rest of my life....

Today has hit me kinda hard I was doing fine bebopping along living my life in a fairly decent mood when all of a sudden like a ton of heavy bricks I started missing my dad. I started thinking about the day he was taken from us how can I not I was there I can tell you to this day every detail, every sound metal crushing, his final yell as he took his last breath, the sounds of the paramedics and ambulances as we were all taken to the hospital. It's there it's embedded in my brain and I think it always will be until I can figure out how to get it out. I know missing him won't bring him back that's why for the most part I focus on being happy and living my life that's what he would want. Today though is one of those rare days well that and several days in the month of June that have significance where I just want to remember him and take a moment to pause and honor his memory. He was an amazing man who loved people including his family we had a lot of fun times together hanging out. He loved all of us very much we could all feel it and he would make time for us, nothing was too small for him and even a little girl had something important to say. I loved that about him he would listen to my concerns no matter how big or small they seemed. In a short 10 years he taught me a life time of lessons among them:
How to treat others as you would want to be treated
Listen to and respect people
Do your best you are not a failure until you fail to keep trying
Be Honest with yourself and your fellow human beings
Live your life with gusto, smile laugh be happy and try to make others feel happy too.
Thanks Dad for giving me life and for living yours in a way that I could learn from you. You are greatly loved and greatly missed.

Back on track

I have realized that ever so slowly I let myself get complacent again about my health and I can not afford to do that. Damian's health scare really scared me too and I saw my body and health in a new way. It started off being out of fear that I started my journey to eating better etc but now I think it's becoming more than that. I was letting myself go again I won't lie I'm only human but then I realized something I lost my spunk I lost my energy. I want to get that back I want to learn to not ban certain foods I used to love from my house but add them into what I now eat. I want to learn moderation and I know I can do it. I fell off so to speak but now I realize why I wasn't giving myself permission to be healthy and strong. I also have learned that if I can get a handle on this and get my body to be healthier and stronger I may be able to help my PCOS and who knows what may happen as a result. I'm a little scared honesty as I make my transformation I have never been a skinny person well not since I was a little girl but I can do this. I can't afford to quit on myself the weather has been better I have no excuse now I must get going on this journey again I have my health riding on this it's not just a vanity issue.

A Small Difference

I have always felt a desire to make a difference in this world and in someone's life. Sometimes it seems like a daunting impossible task and it could be sometimes but I also have learned what my limitations are. I can't do everything and I can't be there for everyone but I can do what I can and give what I can. I feel uplifted to know that I am succeeding I am touching the lives of people some I didn't even know. My support group has been such a blessing in my life I started it to help and I have but in return these ladies have become a blessing in my life as well. I love this little story I found years and years ago and it sums up exactly how I feel.

It Made a Difference!!

One day a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.

Off in the distance he could see a young boy going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach.

Back and forth the boy went.

As the man approached, he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to die.

As he approached, the boy continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them back into the sea.

As he came up to the boy he said, "You must be crazy ! There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference."

The boy looked at the man. He then bent down and picked up one more starfish, and threw it back into the sea. He turned back to the man and said,

"But it made a difference to that one"

Birthday Fun

I had a wonderful 31st birthday I have such caring family and friends. My actual birthday was pretty low key but Saturday the 30th was a lot of fun. Myself and a few friends went to The Dockside Restaurant at the Coeur D' Alene Resort for desert. I had a Huckleberry milkshake and it was wonderful. We had a good time visiting a little and I have caring friends who know me and got me some new books to add to my collection. I read one already and it was wonderful I can't wait to read the others. I also got to add the 5 hour mini series version of Pride and Prejudice to my DVD collection. It was a wonderful day spent with wonderful loving people. I love being in my 30's I'm more comfortable in my skin and with who I am as a person. I'm more comfortable with who is in my life and am able to relax and be who I truly am.