Clarification

I want to clarify my last post a little bit and why being so happy for my pregnant friends and family is such a blessing to me and a good sign that I have healed. Here's the situation I have always wanted babies my whole life I dreamed of being a mother. I grieved when I was first told about my PCOS as a teenager but I still held out hope. Damian and I made plans and dreamed and hoped about having our own baby but that was not to be. It reached a point where I would lay in bed refusing to move on Mother's Day crying so hard that I could hardly breathe. I would cry to the Lord whining to him about how unfair this was and I could not be heartily happy for anyone who was pregnant I wanted to be but just couldn't I would put a plastic smile on my face but on the inside I was screaming. I was happy for my sister with her babies but at the same I still would cry from time to time as I helped her assemble and get ready for her baby. I have to be totally honest I ached when I held Lexus for the first time I desperately wished it was my turn. Damian and I hoped that everything had turned around for us but we have slowly begun to accept the Lord's will. It is what it is and being hurt and upset will not help us at all. Now, I can be really truly happy for others and I truly adore my nieces and nephew they are the light in my life. I have in a way "adopted" my friend's kids as nieces and nephews. I have learned to realize that some women who desire to be mother's are not meant to be in this life but that some can be given the ability to mother children who for some reason or another have not had a mother that can care for them. Given how desperate I had gotten and how it was not good for my mental and emotional well being to be so upset I had to move forward I had to accept it and move on and see all the other blessings in my life. I can laugh when my nieces laugh, I can smile when they smile I can hold them and feel nothing but love and nurturing while I am holding them close. I can love them and give them my heart instead of focusing on pain and sorrow.