God give me the strength to do this

It's going to be a long road until September. I am really trying hard not to be negative but it's really hard when you can see the light at the end of the tunnel but you can't reach it yet and it always seems to be darkest right before you get there. Damian is cycling really bad again and along with it comes venom and things I know he says that he doesn't mean but it still hurts. It even hurts when he acts as if he doesn't even want me in the same room with him much less in the same house and in a marriage. I am trying to wait it out I am trying to be patient but to tell you the truth I don't know how much more of this I can take. The only thing keeping me here right now to be totally honest is because I believe in marriage and in an eternal marriage that we solemnized in the temple and the commitments and covenants that we made not only with each other but with Heavenly Father. I keep my promises I just hope that my determination and love will be enough until he can start reaching back. I know deep down he loves me I know it's the bi-polar talking I know it's all the anger and hurt and pain inside talking but that still doesn't make any of this easier. I'm really trying hard to not sound selfish it's just really hard to hang in there when your spouse pushes you away from them. I just pray hard that love is enough and that we can make it through all this together and intact and that we can beat the odds because honestly the odds are stacked against us.