It's taken me most of the 29 years that I have been alive to say this but I am FINALLY at peace with myself and what I have to offer the world. I have always been an intensely emotional high strung person and that has been both a blessing and a curse. I have had to learn to harness and embrace that meanwhile keeping my sanity...it's been a balancing act but I can proudly say that I am in balance. I have learned to not let other people's feelings about me effect how I feel because to be perfectly honest there isn't anything I can do to change their opinion anyway. For a long time I practically killed myself trying and it honestly feels good to be not running around like crazy begging people to like me when I have just realized that even one honest to goodness friend is worth it's weight in gold and I have been blessed with more than a few so I'm more than happy with the way it is who cares what everyone else thinks. I also have learned to balance my needs with the needs to my friends and husband so that they feel loved and cared for but so am I. For a long time I felt so guilty taking time for myself but I had to realize that I'm not any good to anybody if I am worn out and exhausted so I take occasional "me" time without guilt and along with that I have learned to place boundaries and limits and to occasionally say no. It's been hard to learn how to do since I want to help everybody all the time but I had to learn that there are some situations where I can't. I have learned to honestly and completly trust in God and in his will and plan for my life. I haven't realized until now how much energy I have wasted fighting him and struggling to be in control only to mess everything up and have to go back and ask him to help me fix it anyway. It's been so much easier to prayerfully and with humble soul searching seek his will and plan for my life and then follow it even if I don't yet understand where the path is leading me. In return I have found an inner peace and calmness that has been lacking....I have found a happy marriage and relationship with my best friend and husband...I have found healthy and strong friendships based on love, trust and compassionate understanding where I know they are there for me just as I am for them. I have found personal growth as I have learned to understand myself and why I do what I do. I have found a voice I have learned to speak up for what I need and want without fear of what someone else will say or how they will react. I can say that for the first time in my life I am at peace and I know that I can maintain this peace so long as I continue to practice the lessons that have taken me so long to learn. I can learn to harness my gifts of empathy and compassion and love so that I can manage them and they aren't managing me.
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