I'm being prepared

Damian and I can't help but feel so much love and gratitude in our hearts for our Heavenly Father he has done so much for us and now as we have been taking steps to improve our lives we feel deep inside us that one of our fondest dreams is about to be realized. We are being prepared at this moment at a faster pace than ever before to become adoptive foster parents Heavenly Father has been helping us move all the final ducks into place including myself. I thought I was always ready but to be honest it has been so long since it has just been Damian and I that I had some lingering doubts would I be able to handle it would I be a push over that kinda thing. That got answered the other night when I got the wonderful opportunity to babysit my nieces Lexus and Kaylee now anyone who knows me knows how much I love those girls that's not the issue it was how I handled myself that night. I was dealing with a teething baby and a three year old who didn't understand how come she wouldn't be spending that night with her mom, dad and nannie like she always had. In the past I would play with the girls assisting with some things like getting them dressed, diapers, etc but that night it was up to me to keep them busy and happy while dinner was being made thankfully Lexus wanted frozen waffles and sausage links which worked well and was easy to make but we did great. I also did lose it a little with Lexus forgetting at times that she is three, still learning her words and feelings and has a hard time expressing all that but I also stood firm when she had her tantrums. She had them ultimately because she missed her mommy and I was not upset with her about that I had to be firm because in turn she was being rude to me and that was not going to be tolerated. In the end she calmed down once she realized that I was not going to budge and we settled down to watch a Harry Potter movie until her bedtime. Bedtime taught me other lessons as well Kaylee was tired and had gone to sleep with little problems however Lexus is at an age now where she is suddenly scared of the dark and monsters. The lamp solves that problem but see daddy and mommy usually "kill" all her monsters for her and they weren't there neither was her nannie and that was hard for her. We settled her into bed with her hand made blanket from her nannie and her favorite stuffed frog named webly and we read stories and I soothed her promising her that she can trust me and that I would keep her safe from anything and that daddy and mommy and nannie had killed all the monsters but if I saw one trying to creep up the stairs I would kill it. Lexus believed me I could tell but she still was on the verge of tears so I asked her if she would feel better if I stayed beside her bed until she fell asleep knowing that she had never slept without any of them here before at night. She nodded so I held her hand until she rolled over then I rubbed her back and stroked her hair and finally she fell asleep. I realized that night something had changed our relationship will never be the same again but in a very profound way I was always the fun auntie and Lexus loved me very much but now she also knows I will have limits with her and that those will be enforced and she knows that she can trust me that I will never let anything harm her. That night has settled my fears I know being a mom especially a foster mom will bring on all kinds of challenges and I will not be perfect at it but I also know that I can achieve the right balance between fun, hard and soft knowing when to be fun knowing when to be firm and knowing when to be soft. I also know I am not alone I have loved ones, I have friends but most importantly I have a loving Heavenly Father who will guide me as I pray and turn to him for guidance in this adjustment from an occasional babysitter and auntie to mom especially a mom to children who have not had the easiest start in life. I know that no matter what comes my way that I can count on him to lead me and guide me and that if I listen to his counsel and Holy spirit that I will be able to navigate and help my family and help my children as they overcome their struggles and I will be able to help them know that no matter what may have happened in their past or even with their birth parents that I love them and that I will comfort and protect them and that sometimes that even means saying "no" and enforcing rules.