Some more insights I got tonight.

I don't know if I am at a different place in my life than I was when I first saw the movie The Blind Side or if it was because it wasn't in a crowded movie theater but when Damian and I saw it at the park tonight it had a whole different meaning. I still loved it and I still cried but more parts held more meaning. It could also be because the real Michael and Leanne were on Extreme Makeover Home Edition to help out and do a makeover for a family where the dad is a high school football coach. Whatever it was I got a lot of insights from that movie that I could easily apply to my own life. The first thing that hit me was Michael himself he could have been angry he could have been bitter he could have turned his back on the world but he didn't that amazes me. My life has not been the hell that his was and I have been bitter and angry. I learned from that so from now on I am going to let all that is negative go it's not worth hanging onto and I am going to propel myself and make my life better. Things may not go perfectly but from now on when I have a crappy boss or whatever instead of quitting I'm going to think about how that is nothing compared to what others have had to go through and deal with and I will push through it. I also looked at Leanne Tohley herself and what she did. She could be seen as bossy and pushy and to some extent she is Sandra played her perfectly but at the same time she is a momma. I saw on the show how proud she is of Michael and how much coaches and football mean to her. She took him in she gave him a home even though she didn't know him. She followed her gut and her momma instincts to not let a boy remain out in the cold. I realized tonight that I have been looking at my infertility all wrong. It's not a curse it will turn out to be a blessing. I have a big heart and lots of love to give. It would be easy to love a baby that you got to bond with for nine months that grew inside you especially someone with a big heart for babies already but not so much when it's not your own and you get a call to take into your home a child you know little about and have never met. Kudos to all foster and adoptive parents out there who have done just that. I realized tonight that I would do the same thing I would be a momma to anyone who was out in the cold and needed a warm home and my love. I see now that's what I need to do and why the Lord did what he did. I am to love and give my love to a child that really needs it and who has been through some emotional trauma. I won't pretend to empathize or know what they have been through because I can not but what I can do is be their mama and love them and nurture them and protect them.