Today was my sister in law's baby shower for my little nephew to be born and don't get me wrong I'm going to love my nephew to pieces that is not what this post is regarding. What does get me is when she was sitting there today amongst her gifts saying I can't believe this is FINALLY happening for us. I smiled big and was supportive but deep down I was mixed between wanting to cry and wanting to smack her. I understand that she and my brother have had fertility issues I get that but they also have only been married for like 3 years 4 max I have been married and waiting 9 this June. For the most part I have been strong and accepted God's will for my life and submitted myself 100 percent to whatever he wants for me. I also love fully my niece's and nephew's and give all my love to them without question and without pain. I also don't moan and groan like I used to lamenting about not being a mother I even decided this year to willingly honor all the mom's in my family and am going to get my mom, my sister and sister in law Mother's Day gifts because they deserve to be recognized. However, where I draw the line is when I accknowledge her pain and frustration and have been supportive of both of them but when it comes to me forget it. I love her dearly I really do it just really hurts that I'm not even recognized at all it's like I'm invisible she and my sister were talking about babies today and it was like I had evaporated or something. I also am getting like zero support from them for wanting to be a foster mom I am not getting anything at all love and support wise just them saying well you know the process right and it will take a long time you know that right and well I don't know if you and Damian will pass the criteria etc etc etc and it really stings bad. I know in my heart this is right for us this is not a decision that was made lightly only after much fasting and prayer have we decided that this is what God wants for us he has been lining up our ducks so we can do this and if he wants us to he will find a way. It just really hurts bad that my family can't be supportive of anything we do and this is coming from my mom and sister and her husband and other members of my immediate family mind you. I'm sorry God may have not allowed me to have a biological child but that does NOT mean I am unfit to be a mother. I am going to do his will anyway and you know what it will happen for us if he wants it to and in my heart and soul I feel there is a child waiting for me to be it's mother.
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