Congratulations to New Mom's and Thoughts about Motherhood

I just recieved word that another dear friend of mine is expecting a baby and this news should be devastating to me as I have not been blessed with children of my own after eight years of marriage however, I can honestly say with all my heart that I congratulate her and and share in her joy. Before I slap myself too hard on the back however I must honestly say I was not always this way....for years I spent time wallowing in self pity and sorrow moaning my childless state wondering why God had forsaken me. I spent many Mother's Days sobbing racking sobs that made my whole body ache and I couldn't look at a mother and child without feeling a very strong ache in my heart. I wondered why God would give me such a strong maternal love for children and then not let me have my own. What made it worse was other's asking me about it making me feel like I was doing something wrong or that I had no desire to have babies. How wrong they were...I have a medical condition where I may be able to get pregnant but it's unlikely and every year that goes by my chances get less and less. Some of my friends who have my same condition have been fortunate but as of this time I have not. However, at this moment in my life I have learned to accept it....I wish it was different but wishing alone won't change my situation so I have learned to make peace with it and continue on. I am still a part of an eternal family with my husband and I have many good things in my life to look forward to and many things yet to accomplish. As hard as it has been for me I have also stopped questioning God and have chosen to accept his will that at this time I am not a mother and that I may not get a chance to be at least to my own children in this life. I have learned that I still have worth as his daughter and that he has a lot of work for me to do still. I'm still lost in deep prayer with God about how to use my strong maternal loving instincts and I have come up with a solution that is working for me....I can use it to bless the lives of others. I have been using it to help my sister with her daughter, my beloved niece Lexus who is the light in my life her smile makes me melt and her arms reach out to me every time I see her. My sister loves her of course and I could never replace her mother in her life but I too can be a mentor, role model and friend and can be there to support Lexus and love her unconditionally as she grows up and hits life's bumps and hard times. I also want to pursue Early Childhood Education and be a teacher to children as they are making early learning discoveries about themselves and their world. I may never be a "traditional" mother but I have learned that I can be a "mother" in other ways and can still use my gifts and abilities. I have also learned from this to trust in God and to appreciate the gifts I have been given instead of what I have not.