I think I see where I need to go now and what I need to do

I have been struggling a long time with a lot of issues with the Lord especially because after over 8 long years of being married I still have not been blessed with biological children. I used to mourn that fact and murmer and complain but all that got me nowhere and in fact made my life worse because I was miserable. Now though I have learned a lot more about how the Lord works and am learning how to trust him so much more no matter where he leads me. I have been learning to take his hand and just follow without uttering a sound until I see for myself that where he led me is so much better than where I had originally planned on going. It's the same way with children I have lately been doing more praying and soul searching and I have started to realize that I have been barking up the wrong tree, I have a pretty strong feeling now that I was designed to be a mother however the children will not be my own right now. Damian and I when we can move to a safer apartment and when we can get his bipolar under control feel strongly that we need to foster children and that although it may take some time that is how our children or at least our first child will come into our lives and our family. I don't know about any other children if I will be blessed with a biological child or if we are to adopt more or even if we are supposed to have only one I don't know that much yet but I do feel strongly in my heart and throughout my whole being that adoption is what we need to do so we are preparing ourselves in every way possible for that to happen. I'm open to that I'm open to giving my love to a child and loving them completely...I may not be their biological mother but I would be their mother in every way that matters in my heart. I love the movie Tarzan because even though Tarzan was human to his ape mother the one who loved him and raised him he was her son I feel the same way about adoption. I also love the song made for that movie by Phil Collins "You'll be in my Heart" that song sums up how I feel about adoption and any child that I will be blessed to recieve into my life one way or another.