My world

Anxiety disorder and panic disorder really SUCK!!!! I constantly feel like I'm battling and just when I think I'm winning it strikes back a few blows. Most of it is gone and I'm doing much better the attacks still happen more so now that I'm out of 5-HTP for a few days more on that in a minute but I am able to control that part for the most part. They are intense my whole body aches and my chest tightens last night my chest tightened and I began to hyperventilate but that's my reality and I have to fight through it. I've learned how by reminding myself that as much as the panic attacks suck that they won't last forever and that they won't kill me. I try my best to breathe through them and I try my best to keep fighting. It's taking all I have right now to hang on and keep my big girl pants on and keep from unraveling all that I have fought to have right now. However I don't want to be thought of as weak I'm strong this is not an easy fight and I'm not running I'm not quitting. I ran out of 5-HTP awhile ago and for a short while I was okay and the 100mg capsules were actually too strong and I thought maybe that it was all in my head that they did anything for me. I was WRONG dead wrong I'm in frikken misery day and night it was not like this when I was taking them so I found a 50 mg I will take instead when I get the money together. I'm just so sick of people judging me and telling me to just get over it. Anxiety and panic disorders are real and they are devastating do you really think I get a kick out of feeling like this with insomnia, racing thoughts, my heart pounding and every muscle in my body tightening causing pounding headaches and a feeling like I can't even move I'm so stiff. Oh ya that's loads of fun sign me up. I didn't ask for this I didn't bring it upon myself it's a disorder to some degree that I have always had I have to learn to deal with it and control it it will always be there. I'm sick and tired however for being judged by everyone. I've been called weak I've been told that the pills I take are fake and that I just pretend they make me feel better you name it I've heard it and I'm done. Try walking a mile or two in my shoes before you judge please. I have no medical insurance and to be honest I don't want the risk of side effects so I will keep taking my 5-HTP to help balance out my brain chemistry and make this disorder easier to live with how is my taking this any different that anyone who takes an anti depressant. I don't understand that one at all to be perfectly frank and honest. I'm just fed up and tired of not being understood it's taking all I have to keep it together right now yet I'm being called weak if you think it's so easy why don't you try.