Shedding Grateful Tears

I once again am really really grateful for a General Conference talk. In recent years I had struggled with severe depression but when that had subsided anxiety and panic disorders had taken their place. I wondered what was wrong with me why I couldn't just "chill" like so many well meaning people tried to encourage me to do. I wanted to but everything made me anxious and on edge. I lost job after job and I was losing this battle. Well, the first thing that helped was when I got some professional counseling. It was such a relief to know that my symptoms had a name, that they were real and I wasn't just being a "drama queen". I was helped as much as possible but the panic attacks were brutal and they would require treatment that just counseling could not provide. My chest would tighten, my heart would pound uncontrollably and I would sometimes hyperventilate. I wish I could say something would trigger them but they would happen without warning sometimes several times a day. My life revolved around just trying to survive. It was so frustrating. I've been taking a herbal supplement that has helped to a great extent but it still only helps the symptoms. They are still there, my anxiety is still there lurking in the shadows. I'm hoping that come the first part of the year when my new medical coverage takes effect that I can finally find some real relief. Anyway, this talk by Elder Holland brought tears to my eyes. Bless this dear man for acknowledging the severity and reality of mental distress. I've been so hurt and discouraged when some well meaning people in the church counseled me to just have more faith and relax. If it were only so simple. I appreciate Elder Holland for his blessed, inspired counsel to not only those who suffer and their loved ones but to others as well. The only way we can truly begin to help is to try and understand. Mental disorders of all kinds are very real and they can be debilitating to those who have them. Sometimes it takes all the strength I have in a day to just function. I feel so blessed to know the Lord is aware of my daily struggles and that he is aware of me and loves me. I feel so much comfort to know that he will continue to help me in my fight to try and battle my anxious, obsessive thoughts. For those who haven't read this wonderful, inspired talk I encourage you to do so. http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng