Perspective and Progress

I have been thinking lately about how much my perspective on things and what's important has changed how much I have changed. This last year has been a roller coaster it was around this time that I had a nagging feeling something was wrong with Damian he would do something and he would sweat profusely and he would get beat red. It was around Labor Day that he finally did go and get his lab results after he had what we found out later from talking to his doctor was a very mild heart attack. It was shortly after that we were there when his doctor told him he would die if he kept going the way he was going and it would be quickly. I remember how I felt and I remember thinking a couple of things first being guilt for I had helped put them there it was our unhealthy habits that contributed to this. I also remember feeling scared that I could actually lose the love of my life and my soul mate and in that instant life was put into it's proper perspective material things are nice but they don't matter status doesn't matter fake friends and fair weather friends who only want a party don't matter. What matters is the loved ones in our lives the people who truly love us and are there for us through everything not just when life is a party. What matters is our families, our dear friends and even ourselves. We matter it was during this time of upheaval that Damian and I discovered this it was like a wake up call. We learned that it was time we stopped enabling bad behavior and encouraging the good. We learned that we matter and that our emotional health matters and that we are worth it. We learned who we can count on and who we can't, we learned that change isn't easy but it's worth it if you want to live. In a year we have accomplished a lot Damian is still alive and while he is on medications still his doctor has not added any others and his cholesterol has jumped from over 400 to about half that so that is very good progress. He can do things now without getting so red and sweaty the only way he gets red now is if he has been in the sun. He has dropped 60 lbs and is doing well most importantly he is still alive and with me and that I am so truly thankful for. He also can actually hike a little bit now with his brother as they do their geo caching and he is discovering that he can change his attitudes, behaviors and that he is not powerless he can empower himself and change what he doesn't like and that he can do something about it. I have grown as well I am overcoming my anxiety and making great progress as I am working now at a job I love, I am trying to finish college as I feel ready now for the next new exciting phase of my life. I am not comfortable anymore just sitting stagnant. I have gained a proper perspective on my life, my mental well being and I'm fighting hard to overcome what has hindered my life and my progress. I had to take careful stock of the people in my life and it was not easy but necessary I had to get rid of negativity and people who only wanted a party or wanted to suck every bit of energy out of my being. I had to keep those in my life who uplifted me and were behind me even to the point of sometimes showing a little "tough" love. It's because of them and their love that I too have made some drastic changes. I'm still changing and am far from perfect but progress is being made. I went from not caring what I put into my body I could consume a family size Papa Murphy's pizza all by myself plus other things all in one night to now taking a second look. I am more active although I'm still needing to work on that but I am moving more. I have lost 3 sizes and 32lbs or so. I am feeling great I'm feeling vibrant I'm feeling alive and more than that instead of being a scared people pleaser I am learning to become a strong vibrant compassionate but confident woman. I would not wish the news we got onto anyone but at the same time we are thankful for all the change and perspective we have gained and what has taken place. This was our wakeup call this was our catalyst for change so in that instance I would not take it back we are just grateful that God chose to give us this chance and that it was not too late.